Somebody’s getting married! Unfortunately, it’s not me. My friend ‘Bakiks’, as we fondly call each other, is getting married on December 26. I was a little worried at first since she asked me to be a Ninang. A Ninang at my age? Isn`t that going to bring bad luck and make me an old maid? I heave a sigh of relief when she told me it`s going to be a civil wedding. What she really meant was that she wanted me to be a witness at their wedding.
That got me thinking about my own wedding. The potential groom-to-be is not yet too keen on it and unless it’s already approved somewhere to get married without the groom present, I’m not marrying any time next year. Deciding to get married is easy. What I’m more concerned about are the things we need to do before tying the knot.
- Meet the family - The pamalaye (pamanhikan). Yup, not just the parents but the immediate and extended family. We are both the youngest so it’s expected that our respective families are a little possessive. Initial agreements and arguments on the details of the wedding are to be discussed here. Everybody has something to say.
- Where to get married. Well this is kinda easy. I don’t know if this is true in other provinces but in Ilonggo culture, it’s almost always at the hometown of the bride or at least the bride decides where. It’s a no no to have it at the groom’s hometown. You`re going to send the wrong message. It seems the bride is the one who’s too eager to get married.
- Whom to invite. Now this is the tricky part. I have a big extended family. I know he has too. Not to mention friends and colleagues. I wish I can invite everybody but that’s impossible. Somebody’s bound to get hurt. If the reception is not going to be at the bride’s house, it is customary to have two receptions. One at the official hotel reception and another at the home of the bride. If both live in the same town then there’s another reception at the groom’s house. The extra receptions are for those who were not on the official guest list of the couple but were invited by family members anyway.
- Selecting the sponsors. Godparents automatically become principal sponsors. Sometimes, if the parents were to choose, prominent and rich personalities are often chosen instead of their capacity to act as second parents to the couple. Political connections are also major factors to consider. Some hotshot from the city hall/municipal hall has to be a sponsor. Better yet, choose the Mayor as a principal sponsor. This is considered beneficial not only for the couple but to the family as well. Having a Maninay/Maninoy at the municipal hall is better than grease money. Sound investment, don’t you think?
- Money Matters - Who’s going to shoulder the expenses? Traditionally, the groom. But in case there’s a MORE PRESSING reason to get married, the bride’s family is more than willing to shoulder the expenses. Some people I know prepare for the wedding by raising different livestock they can think of, cattle, pig, chicken, goat and what have you. Well, if you’re going to feed the whole barangay, might as well build a piggery or a poultry. And in the end, they will eat your food and talk behind your back that you didn’t feed them enough or that your food was not good enough.
Is having a church wedding really worth all the trouble? Why spend thousands of pesos when you can get a license for like P500? How fortunate for my boyfriend, I’m not the cheesy type. However, I can’t speak in behalf of my family. For me, as long as the groom understands who will wear the pants in the family. . . and it’s not him.
[photo credit: www.sxc.hu]
